


To Reach The Silver Lining

by Ceurcentevile



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Romance, Secrets, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceurcentevile/pseuds/Ceurcentevile
Summary: Tsukuyo had enough with all the secret feelings she had hidden for him. 《GinTsu》 Headcanon
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki/Tsukuyo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	1. Null Desire

**Disclaimer** : I don't own Gintama and this story is a headcanon

...

**Chapter 1 : Null Desire**

As the world rotates, the season goes by. The heat on the air finally went down and dry leaves had rained onto the street, breeding pathways with the colour that matched the sunset. Loud roars and chants were filling the streets of Kabuki-cho, while some other people in matching clothes were carrying miniature shrines on their backs. People in Edo were celebrating the autumn season by holding an extravagant festival and by the looks of it, everyone were super enthusiastic.

A group of people stayed away from the crowd and decided to spend their time near the river on the outskirt of Kabuki district. As you can guess, they were the main casts of the anime accompanied by some of their buddies (minus the misfits and the polices, because they happened to run to each other). The old land lady picked that place because it was a bit less noisy and the view was beautiful enough to please her sentimental side. She also invited some friends because nobody would have enjoyed a seasonal party by themselves, a reason to justify the anime cliche where a big pile of people would gather in certain circumstances. There were the Yorozuya, Otose's bar occupants, the homeless guy, gorilla woman plus her eyepatch bodyguard, freaky ninja, shogun's sister herself, and the visitors from Yoshiwara.

The children were playing with the big white furball called Sadaharu and the others were enjoying the fresh hot ocha brought by Shinpachi, while Gintoki was sleeping soundly on the grasses facing the sun. Sometimes the purple kunoichi would try to mess with his face but he managed to unconcsciously jab her right on the cheek. Unbeknownst to her, she wasn't the only person who targeted their attention to the silver samurai. The other person was a kind of ninja just like her, without the masochistic attitude.

Tsukuyo, who also sat on the grasses, gazed the river with her chin rested on her fist while occasionally stealing a glance to the sleeping man a bit far beside, paying a bit too much attention to his graceful sleeping face. He truly has great looks although nobody ever really mentioned it, and he's also a strong protective guy to top it off. She may have been able to conceal her feelings for him towards anyone, but her heart would always find a way to beat very fast whenever he's around.

It's fine though, since she will be keeping the feeling to herself, unnoticed.

It's fine, because he would never bother to be in a love relationship, especially with her.

It's fine, since he would never think of her as someone special.

It's fine, because they will stay as good friends only, forever.

Because... Why would him? Why would he thought more about her? She was just a mere passerby on his life that happened to become one of his best friend. There's no way their relationship could evolve to something else, and she accepted the fact that her love went unrequited. But the pain never goes away, like a stake that pierced through her heart. The secret she buried deep in her heart was acting against her.

She had gazed him for quite a long time, and she didn't realize a man that took a seat next to her.

"What a lucky guy"

Tsukuyo startled at his words that pulled her out from the daydream. He was the man that wears the iconic shades wherever he goes, and his outfit screamed poverty. Tsukuyo only stared at him, puzzled on his statement.

"You seemed to be interested with him," Hasegawa continued.

"W-what are you talking about?" Tsukuyo's cheeks had reddened after hearing him.

"Well, I like to make assumptions, sorry if I said something wrong, hehe," he said while waving his hand back and forth.

"It was just...I was.." Tsukuyo had some troubles picking her words before sighing loudly.

"You're right," she admitted.

"I see... Gintoki. Quite a pick, but you're clearly not the first though," his eyes (or his shades) faced the annoying glasses ninja that kept on pestering the sleeping man.

"I'm not trying to compete, if that's what you mean"

"I'm just saying that you shouldn't waste too much time, you'll never know the things he would do," he said while standing up and litting his cigarette. Tsukuyo didn't have any word to say, and the frown was apparent on her face.

"Good luck," he tapped her shoulder before walking somewhere else, leaving her sitting on the grass relieved.

She was somehow tense when he confronted her, probably because she was caught looking at Gin. Therefore she decided to just take a smoke there, clearing her mind from any thoughts about him.

The smoke from her kiseru danced around the air, swirling around, uncaring of any disturbances that came from the festival. It's really ironic, on the most cherished day in Japan, her mood was the exact opposite of happy. At least on her day off, she got some tobacco to waste, not the worst day on her life.

She looked at her surroundings, the kids went to watch the shrine marching near the streetside, and the elders were in a long chatter while sipping tea and gulping some snacks. Everyone seemed to be enjoying their day when she was stuck to herself. She didn't mind being alone in the crowd, but she felt... stranded, lost in the stream of time, and her only friend was the pipe she used to smoke.

She went to inhale some more of it, blowing some puffs of white smokes towards the clear air of Kabuki-cho. She did it again and again for God knows how long before a hand took the pipe from her.

"I can't sleep with all the smoke you produced, damn woman," the man grumbled. Out of all people, the man she wanted to see the least showed up in front of her.

"Hey! Give it back!" she shouted.

He spinned the kiseru on his hand and went to the chatting group. She almost stood up to pursue him, but he walked back to her spot with a cup of tea on his hand.

"How about this? I'll hold your pipe for now, and you just enjoy this tea as the exchange," he gave the cup to her and she received it on her hand.

"What the hel-," before she could finish her sentence, he went down to continue sleeping, this time really close to her sitting spot. She was surprised and felt really uncomfortable, her heartbeat skyrocketed and her cheeks couldn't get any hotter. She put the cup on her other side and looked nervously at him.

Too close, but she never wanted to move either, a dilemma she quite enjoyed in her heart. She could see his peaceful sleeping face, his waving silver locks, his strong arms that pillowed his head, and everything else up close. Contrasting with the fierce attitude he had shown in the battles prior, he looked so gentle and vulnerable beside her.

She wondered how the man could make her tremble so easily.

She wondered if he realized that.

Maybe it was finally time she let him know. It was time for her to be free from her own secret.

**To Be Continued**


	2. Goners

**Chapter 2 : Goners**

Maybe it was finally time she let him know. It was time for her to be free from her own secret.

"Gintoki..."

"Hmmm?" Gintoki replied with his eyes still shut.

"Can I say something?"

"What is it?"

"I'm...uhmm...how to say it...," she had troubles finding the correct words to start her sentence, a quite hard task for her.

"Come on, did you bite your tongue?" he grumbled, finally opening his eyes to look at her tensed face.

"Sheddep! It's hard for me to say it, okay?"

"Fine...," he clicked his tongue and sighed.

She took a deep breath and calmed herself before saying things.

"Well... did you consider me a great woman?" collected enough resolve, she addresed the question fluently.

"... Why'd you ask something like that?"

"I wonder if I actually looked good for someone"

Someone... he wondered who was the man that made her care about appearance. All the things she cared about were fighting and guarding a city, and he was sure as hell that nobody would want to mess with her.

"Who is this someone?" he rised from his sleeping position.

"I can't tell you," she refused to open up early.

"I need to know if you wanted to look good in front of old leeches or teenagers with overwhelming hormones," he said jokingly before receiving a punch to the stomach.

"Just answer it, you jerk"

He winced about his stomach for a while before answering her.

"Well, maybe you look good but you have terrible temper and love to smack guys on the gut. Happy now?" he said while caressing his abdomen.

No answer from her, just silence. Awaiting the moment of truth.

"What if that someone is you?"

"Me? What do you mean?" he gulped.

"I asked if I am to your liking, dullhead. Out of all people, I happened to be falling for a dumbass like you"

"W-What...," He was dumbfounded by her sudden confession.

"I only wanted to blurt that out because I can't keep the secret to myself any longer, although you don't have to reply it since I already know the answer..."

She faced him to look him in the eyes before continuing, "I ain't the person for you, am I? You must have someone else in mind already"

He just sat there, unable to let out any word from his mouth.

"I just hope we can stay as friends after I said this to you," she continued.

Before he could say any words, a voice called for her. Tsukuyo followed the source of voice and found Seita running towards them.

"Tsukuyo-nee! Tsukuyo-nee! Can you go with me to the bazaar? There are so much stuffs there!" Seita asked her to follow him excitingly.

She stood up from her place before facing Gintoki again to say something, "Guess I'll go for now," and then she went to accompany her 'brother' at the crowded festival. Her figure slowly got smaller and eventually vanished from his vision.

He was still fazed from all the things that happened in such a short span of time. She had said the least words he expected to say, and he couldn't think of a way to respond. Quite lucky for him, their last chatter was only when he returned her pipe, saving him from the awkward situation for the rest of the day...

...

**The day after, Yoshiwara**

"I'm home," Tsukuyo entered her house after a long usual day of guarding the city. She really felt exhausted and the only thing that came to her mind was sinking in a tub filled with warm water and go straight to sleep after that.

"Oh, you're home," Hinowa came out from the door to greet her. "I actually heated some buns for you," she continued.

"That would be nice, thank you," she then mentally added eating buns into her to-do-next list, a little detour from the original plan. She picked a bun in the kitchen and ate it thoroughly when Hinowa reappeared from the door.

"So Tsukuyo, I've been wanting to say something to you, and it seems like the only proper time is now," Hinowa spoke with a large smile that could mean a lot of things. Tsukuyo only knew that it wouldn't end up nice for herself.

"What is it?" she replied, trying to act cool by continuing eating.

"About yesterday...," Hinowa started.

Bad sign... truly a bad sign...

"I've heard something interesting from Gin-san"

Of course, she should have seen that coming.

"What did he tell you?" she asked Hinowa.

"Mostly about your words to him. I never thought there would be a day when you finally spoke out your feelings" she answered with the same smile she had before.

"So you found out about it, then. It won't matter much though" a small frown formed on Tsukuyo's lips.

"Why would you say that?"

"He'll reject it. Besides, I only told him that because I wanted to shake this feeling off"

"How could you be sure with his response?" Hinowa felt sad about her pessimistic attitude.

"Can't you see it? It's clear that he never looked at me as more than a nuisance. Plus I don't have any lady-like demeanor that he would fancy..."

Hinowa chuckled, "I don't think you'll need any of that. Just have more faith, you're better than you think you are". Hinowa approached her and held her hands like a caring mother, "I promise, you will have the answer soon enough"

Tsukuyo was intrigued by the last statement, "What does that mean?"

Hinowa didn't give any clear answer and only winked one of her eyes accompanied by a mysterious grin, "Nothing, hehe. By the way, don't you want to clean up and rest for now?"

"Yeahh.. right...," she answered with a weird tone, still agitated by the unanswered question.

She left the kitchen not long after and went straight to bed after taking some time in the warm bath tub.

You will have the answer soon enough

An answer for what?

She laid down on the futon she had spreaded and immediately trying to sleep the night away, not letting the events from the past bother her too much. All she needed was a nice rest that she had craved from the start.

The soothing wind calmed her down as she entered the land of dreams and went deeper into nothingness.

**To Be Continued**

**...**

_Nothing really matters here_

_In these gusts of black winds_

_..._

_Should I awake to the glints of lights_

_Or lull deeper into the looming dark_

_..._


	3. Abrupt Visit

**Chapter 3 : Abrupt Visit**

The sun had risen high on the sky and marked a new day in the city.

The courtesan of death, protector of Yoshiwara by the name of Tsukuyo was strolling around the streets on her daily routine; guarding the women, catching dirty geezers, usual stuffs. The weather was friendly enough to let her walk for a long time.

"Okashira!" a member of Hyakka approached her.

"Is there any problem?" assuming any kind of danger, Tsukuyo put on a wary face.

"No, I'm just delivering a message to you from Hinowa-sama"

Hinowa used to gave her messages of trivial things, so she never worried that much.

"What is it about?"

"She told you to finish work early tonight and leave the rest to us"

"Wait, why?"

"She said that you'll have something to do for the night"

"You should spare me the details"

"I can't give you the specifics, but I can tell that it'll be a private matter"

"Okay... I'll leave tonight for you then," the Hyakka member nodded and went back to her job.

Tsukuyo spent the rest of her day by continuing her patrol while she was thinking about the meaning of the matter. She wanted to ask Hinowa directly about it, but she decided to follow her words and wait until the evening when her supposed shift would end.

The day was quite unusual...

Evening eventually came and she took her time to went back to the house where she belongs. Hinowa rarely ask her to get back early unless there's a big event outside and she'll need some people to keep company. But Tsukuyo couldn't remember anything special that day, so she would just get the info later. She entered the tea shop where her small family live and found Hinowa who was waiting for her.

"Ah, you really get back early, Tsukuyo," Hinowa smiled gently to the said person.

"Care to explain what is this about?"

"Relax, there's nothing dangerous coming. Although I can say that you'll have a hard time tonight"

"Just get to the point, Hinowa"

"I have asked the Hyakka to take your job for a while because an important person wanted to meet you. He should be here any minute now"

"I don't like where this is going," Tsukuyo dreaded.

"Come on, don't be like that. There he is!" she waved her hand to a direction behind Tsukuyo's, welcoming someone.

The curtain at the front of the shop flapped, revealing the man who was supposed to meet her. She was strucked to her senses when she realized the identity of the familiar man who stood before her eyes.

"Am I late?" his raspy voice filled her ear drums.

"Of course not! You're right on time," Hinowa replied with such joy written on her face.

"W-Why are you here?" Tsukuyo stuttered a bit.

"To meet you of course," his crimson eyes glanced at her solemnly.

"Sorry for not telling you beforehand, Tsukuyo. But I know you'll avoid seeing him if you noticed earlier," Hinowa explained.

"I don't understand...," Tsukuyo was disoriented by the current event.

"I'll explain later. We should go now," the man suddenly pulled Tsukuyo's arm and guided her to walk outside. She wailed quite loudly to the man but he kept on dragging her to the street.

"Have fun tonight!" Hinowa shouted to both of them and waved her hand although nobody really saw it.

...

**2 days earlier, at the festival, Kabuki-cho**

Hinowa breathed deeply, swallowing the fresh air that roamed around the open area. It was a great afternoon for her to chill and forget everything in life. Seita seemed to be enjoying the festival so much and Tsukuyo...

...Well, where is she?

She scanned the surroundings until her eyes caught something near the river. It was Tsukuyo, but the thing that caught Hinowa's attention the most was Gintoki who sat beside him. Who would've thought that the two was finally able to sit together and had a conversation, not about mission, not about anything dangerous, just about themselves. Hinowa knew about Tsukuyo's feeling towards him, and she always hoped that Tsukuyo could tell it someday, if only that's possible. She was a great warrior and excelled at combat, but when it came to love, she couldn't do anything. Not long after, Seita came to her and probably asking her to accompany him at the festival. Tsukuyo stood up and left the place after excusing herself to Gin.

That was short...

Hinowa couldn't stop being curious about the whole situation, so maybe she would get some answers from the man who was sitting near the river alone. She approached him from behind and found out that he was spacing out in his own thoughts. She tried to call him back to the real world, "Gin-san!" and he was startled when he noticed her presence.

"What do you want?" he was seemingly annoyed.

"I only want to know what you two were talking about," she started asking the question.

"None of your business," he quickly replied.

"Come on, it won't hurt for you to tell me"

"Argh, you're such a pushover! Can't you see I'm being stressed right now?"

"Is it about her?" she put on an investigating grin on her face.

"Yeah, she had thrown me into this situation right now," he scratched his not iching hair.

"It'll be better if you tell me. Maybe I could help you for this matter"

He sighed and tried to think of the best way to start the story.

"So first off, she suddenly asked me if she looked good for someone, and then the next minute she confessed to me," he explained briefly.

"Really? she said that?" Hinowa delightly gasped from hearing it.

"Yes... but she didn't let me answer because she thought I'll be better with someone else... now it's complicated, I don't want to make the situation worse but I can't leave it like that either. I'm confused now thanks to that damned woman!" he scratched his head again.

"Well, what's your answer then, Gin-san?" Hinowa tried to ask the most vital point.

Just silence from him, a long one.

"...I don't know. I never thought about it... it's kinda hard to explain," Gintoki frowned when answering her.

"Gin-san...," she spoke gently, "...I may not know your answer, but I promise it'll be better if you talk to her about this one day. I'll leave the decision to you but you can ask me if you need any help," Hinowa concluded.

"Maybe that's what I need, a help"

"What is it?"

Gintoki paused for a moment before continuing, "Can you make her go out ...with me? I swear I'll handle it if she got mad"

Hinowa's face glowed up and gave an agreeing look, "Of course! When?"

**To Be Continued**


	4. Silver Lining

**Chapter 4 : Silver Lining**

**Back to present day, Yoshiwara**

Gintoki dragged Tsukuyo's hand through the street, ignoring the woman who was wailing with the face similar to a tomato.

"Gintoki! Let go of me!" she finally managed to yank his hand and released his grip.

"What are you trying to do to me?!" Tsukuyo shouted to him. Her hands were crossed in front of her chest, quivering from embarassment. Her heart was beating so fast it almost made her pass out. Luckily, there wasn't a lot of people on the streets so nobody really heard her commotion.

It was so bizarre, the man she had tried to avoid was standing in front him and just recently pulled her hand to take her somewhere. She was sure that all of these had happened because of Hinowa, that lady would have bribed him to make out with Tsukuyo just to tease with her, and Gintoki would have done anything for the cash.

"What's wrong?" Gin turned back and started approaching her.

She could see that he was being serious that time, his lazy demeanor couldn't be spotted anywhere and his dead eyes were replaced with fiery crimsons that burned her to the very soul. She would have much easier time if he never became serious like this, but it was such a rare sight to be seen.

"Did Hinowa send you to accompany me? You're here for the money, aren't you?" Tsukuyo asked a question that itched her.

Gintoki didn't answer her question but extended his arm instead, giving her a sign to hold it.

"No, she didn't, I sent myself. I will answer everything later. For now, just follow me" Gin explained with his sternish tone.

"Do we really have to hold hands?"

"Well, what can I say if you don't want to do it" he retracted his hand and continued walking in front of her.

She followed quitely behind him, hastening her steps to keep up with him. When they were walking, Tsukuyo noticed some Hyakka members and also courtesans who cheered her without letting out a voice. She only gave them an intense look that said ' _w_ _hat are you looking at?'_ , hoping they would leave from her sight. It was no use though, since they just kept on pestering them like a new couple. Unlike her, Gintoki was able to keep a cool head and walked through like it was nothing.

He suddenly stopped when they arrived in front of a large building. She noticed where they were at that time, in front of the building that started everything, the building where they fought together for the first time, the Night King's Tower.

The tower had been abandoned for quite a long time since there was nobody actually living in there, but it was being kept there as a monument that marked their victory against the evil ruler. She questioned his decision to bring them there, because the building was practically empty.

"Why are we here?" she asked.

"We are going to find a place in this building. We should go in" he turned his body around to explain what they were doing.

He sticked out his hand again for her, "Shall we?"

This time she took it with one of her hand despite feeling very nervous about it and started walking with him. Tsukuyo could feel her fingers fidgeting between his, but he steadied them by holding her hand tighter. Her breath immediately went faster and her cheeks got warmer every second, enduring them was a torture for her.

They walked through the lairs and doorways in the building, she could recollect everything that used to happen inside like their battle against Hosen. The fancy rooms for guests, operational technologies, the sliding doors, everything made her remember the time she was serving the Night King by becoming the town's head of security. But it was all over when the sun had striked the land, illuminating them with blinding lights, and the tyranny had come to an end. Those were happened because of a group with fearless minds, the Yorozuya. The leader himself, Sakata Gintoki wasn't called 'Savior Of Yoshiwara' for nothing, as he already helped the city for too many times. But somehow, she had the chance to stood beside him and walked together here towards an unknown destiny.

... What did she do to deserve him?

They ascended to the highest floor, the floor where Hinowa's seclusion room used to exist. They took a turn towards a nearby window and stopped there. He released his hold of her and used both hands to push open the window. He went through it and offered a hand to help her climb. After a climb through the window, they had arrived at the roof tiles that was so high up from the ground.

Strong winds could be felt by them and the entire city of Yoshiwara was displayed among their eyes. It was such a stellar panorama of lights, hypnotizing anyone who dared to gaze it.

"You're not scared of heights, are you? I think this is a perfect spot," he said while looking at the city from up there.

She couldn't understand clearly his motivation to do all these. Why this place? Why now out of all time? Why would he took her out tonight?

... Why her?

"Gintoki, I undertand that you just wanted me to feel better since the festival, but I don't think you have to go this fa-"

Silence...

He silenced her...

She felt the warm and soft sensation on her lips when he kissed her. In a while, their lips didn't break their contact from each other.

He slowly released their mouths and held her hands, "You're worrying too much"

She wasn't able to come up with any words to say, still being fazed from his sudden kiss. It was so delicate, so silky, so genuine. That was her first, and it will probably become the one she would never forget in her life.

"Don't you want to know the truth?", he started speaking.

"I've been lying to myself whole the time. I had always wanted you, but I have never admitted it to my own self"

He caressed her hair to reveal her scars on her forehead and cheek, the things that made her face so memorable.

"It felt wrong to me for wanting you. You're strong, reliable, and also dedicated to your mission, which I deeply respected. So I thought you wouldn't want anyone to interfere with your job by being something more than your friend, and I stopped thinking about it"

Gintoki released his hands and proceeded to sneak them behind her back, pulling her closer in his embrace.

"Thank you, I wouldn't have knew that you kept this feeling if you never told me in the first place. And stop thinking that you're not good enough, because you're a fine woman in my eyes," he spoke in a low voice directly to her ear and she felt ecstatic to hear him said that.

Tsukuyo was delightful in his hug, she felt protected in his arms and the sound of his voice soothed her soul. She planted her body deeper and hugged him tight on the waist.

"Thank you... for everything you've done for me," she said to him while leaning on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"So, will you accept me from now on?" he asked her sincerely.

She looked at him in the eyes and answered without any hesitation, "Of course I do," she brought her body up and kissed him again on the lips.

For that night, the rooftop was reserved for the two newfound couple. They scanned the dim sky with brimming stars together and told a few stories the others never heard about. They sat there together through the night in each other's arms, awaiting for the new tomorrow that lies in front of them.

**End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story and I really appreciated the kudos and reviews you all gave for me.  
> I hope we'll meet again in the next works.  
> :D


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